Thursday, April 03, 2025
Tuesday, April 01, 2025
Friday, March 28, 2025
Wednesday, March 26, 2025
Tuesday, March 25, 2025
三月二十四日 蒙蒙细雨温度刚刚上零上两摄氏度
非常阴冷潮湿的一天,躺在床上两天了,提前注册的芭蕾课也上不了只能取消。身体很怕冷,赤脚踏在木地板上,会觉得地板像冰一样冷。这个某宝上买的暖水袋是我的必需品,在这样的天气抱着它缩在温暖的被窝里,带给我无限的安全感。可是我不愿意叫外卖,绝对不,所以饿了就吃葱油饼泡面鸡蛋和三文鱼。没有胃口,也没有味觉嗅觉,一天一顿就够了。
从日本买回来的各种维生素,有铁,锌,叶酸,C,矿物质,中年女性复合维生素。。。。够吃三个月。没有认真研究但直觉日本的维生素更利于吸收,有很昂贵的。现在我舍得在这方面花钱。
睡两三个小时,醒两三个小时,分不清黑夜和白天。我要尽量的快点恢复正常的作息,实在太想念芭蕾课了。
又病了,从东京站惊魂未定一般在最后一秒钟踏入新干线,火车就开了。之前经历了从大阪的火车上忘记了背包,丢了车票,到东京站的失物招领处又失而复得。
十几个小时的飞行,我还来了例假,本来以为更年期绝经了的,可是以来就是大出血,牛仔裤全湿透了,在狭小的卫生间里洗裤子,从箱子里翻出干净的换上,机舱里一股脓血的气味。
这些事情我已经很从容了,一切发生的都是合理的,认真的处理就是了。
疲劳出血紧张。。。。我就生病了,回到家咳嗽已经是那种从胸腔里震耳欲聋的声音,也许在日本染上了流感病毒。反正现在卧床不起,也没有人照顾,我只能自己不停的喝水。
最难受的时候只好求助于ChatGPT,它用不冷不热的语言叮嘱我注意事项,可惜我的咳嗽声它分辨不出来。
现在就是将来老了的样子,孤家寡人独自终老就是这么个情况。但愿机器人到时候普及到千家万户,我一定要定制一款高大帅气的,能够轻而易举抱得动我的。
Monday, March 10, 2025
Friday, March 07, 2025
Wednesday, March 05, 2025
三月一日 2025 气温不低 有风 天空阴沉 一丝云彩也看不见
我从来没有像现在这样盼望一个和自己没多大关系的人去死,也从来没有像现在这样如此深切的关心同情一个和我没多大关系的人类群体,也从来没有像现在这样如此关心政治关心时事。
每天醒来,我便迫不及待的打开电脑,看看又有什么突发消息在我睡着的时候震惊了全世界,我需要知道. 我需要知道泽连斯基总统今天干什么了,乌克兰人的命运向何方发展,他们能抵住俄罗斯的狂轰滥炸吗。
已经明显感觉到视力下降很严重,每天从很近的距离看屏幕,所以我需要在图书馆的桌前,看电脑的同时还能看看外面的景色,窗户边上的垂柳,下面的水洼,从停车场进出的人们,以及马路对面政府大楼上的尖顶。
我现在的心很躁动,盼望着发生着什么。我也不知道到底是什么,反正不能像平时那样平静悠然自得的安排时间。
三月四日 看不见云层的阴沉天,气温明显回升,踏出家门的第一刻好像空气里有一种类似过年的气氛,遥远的地方在传递繁华热闹的气氛
现在的世界被魔鬼控制着,或者说在宇宙间正义的神与邪恶的魔之间的较量中,正义之神暂落下风,所以你看到的是一个很弱小的国家在被一个几个世纪都在不断扩张靠战争不断延展自己疆土的霸权国家侵略,顽强的抵抗三年,国土满目苍夷,
我也讲不出政治中大国博弈的道理,可是再复杂的时事都可以由最简单的浅显的人际关系来对应。 土匪流氓欺负老实人,旁观者该不该帮忙呢,如果不仅不帮忙还要上去踩上一脚这该是什么世道呢?
不要去想这些吧,你也不可能去帮忙打仗,一点三瓜俩枣的捐赠连杯水车薪都算不上,整天在推特上看一帮人打嘴仗耗费了太多的能量,将注意力慢慢移开吧。
下午到了,天上开始有云层叠现,似乎在费力的拨出蓝天的位置
还有几天又要旅行了,又要去日本。这次去东京,兔子岛,猫岛,以及大阪。行程是她订的。旅行是她早就提出来计划好的。
行李箱摆好了。我在考虑带哪几件衣服可以在任何天气情况下都不至于热着冻着被雨淋着,既可以单穿又可以在外套里面,又可以临时当睡衣。尽可能轻装前行,这样一个小小的登机箱就够了。不喜欢拉着沉重的行李箱来回奔波。也不打算买很多东西带回来。去年买的护肤品到现在还没有用完,过去太贪婪,我需要过度的断舍离来矫正。
生命里真的不需要那么多附加品。现在已经走在精简人生的道路上了。其实已经精简到过度了,一个朋友也没有,亲戚家人也很疏远,厨房里的油瓶只用两三种,调料两三种,厨具扔掉了很多,橱柜也空荡荡。去超市只买自己马上会吃掉的,冰箱里也空荡荡。
越简单越好。这其实就是生命本来的样子,从出生到死亡,由零到最大值再慢慢减少到零,就这样构成生命线的弧度。
Saturday, March 01, 2025
Thursday, February 27, 2025
Tuesday, February 25, 2025
Tuesday, February 11, 2025
Monday, February 10, 2025
Sunday, February 09, 2025
Saturday, February 08, 2025
目前又开始处在一个尴尬的阶段,一个等待突破点爆发的阶段,不太想做抖音视频了,内心有一种排斥,想关闭那里,可是又舍不得一群认可我的可爱的小朋友们。 离开那里谁会认识我呢,不通过网络谁又会认识我呢,而整天看屏幕眼睛也吃不消的。
很多人都嚷嚷着说孤独,他们有足够多的人在周围,只是没有自己想说话的人。我的区别在于我把不想说话的人完全的隔绝了,如果不去上芭蕾课,我就活在一个人的世界里。想象一个视野广阔的天地,一个渺小的身影在慢慢的移动,她在方圆五英里的范围内走过了大半辈子。
前天夜里梦见了老冯,三年前她得乳腺癌去世了。这是第一次梦见她,她拿着black Pink的盘给我,中午烧香给她祈祷她的魂魄能够平安。以前都说她是有福气的女人,家中幺女,上面五个姐姐宠,毕业顺利的进入广州的银行,嫁了一个事业有成又疼爱她的丈夫,生了一个很优秀的儿子。那年她出差到美国来,特意的到我这里来,我们去Stamford 附近一个town吃印度餐。后来就她说她得了乳腺癌,那时候我开始信佛,建议她冥想,再后来她离婚了,那个爱他的丈夫不管她了,再后来她生命的最后一段时光遇到了一个小她不少的青年人,推着轮椅带她去晒太阳,她的身边没有亲人照顾。。。。现在这样的年龄每次念头触及到生命的残酷与死亡的不期而遇,我来不及戚嘘,只觉得要赶紧面对当下,即便只是无聊的坐着喝一杯茶,劣质的茶叶没多大的香醇气息,我也不失望,就喝到口里咽下去,感受到温热的水流顺着食道下流,它对身体起好的作用。
我只想真真切切的活着,每一刻醒着的时候,都在感知。总有一天,一切都会来不及的。
Tuesday, January 28, 2025
Thursday, January 23, 2025
Tuesday, January 21, 2025
如果现在有一只小猫咪过来跟我打架,也肯定大获全胜。很少生病的人一旦生病就觉得要病入膏肓一样虚弱。
总是和世界格格不入的人,也分好多种,我是那种觉醒了又无能为力的,这种就比不觉醒的更痛苦,就好比一个没有窗户的屋子里满是人,有人在墙边的缝隙上隐约看到了外面的世界,知道了有窗户这种东西,可却没有渠道获得。
悲观是血液里带着的,年纪越大就隐藏的越好。
我就是太无所事事,才胡思乱想。可任何事情似乎都没有意义不值得做。那些富豪还在为一年衰老速度0.66岁而自豪,他们觉得活在人世很有意思吗。如果外星人现在来接我去一个更高文明的星球去投胎,我会毫不迟疑的离开,永远不再回来。对地球这个三维世界的所有的缘分,生我的人,和我有过情感纠葛的,我爱过的,爱过我的,认识我的,和我有一面之缘的,无论善缘与恶缘,不带一丝留恋的全部丢弃。
也许上一世我是一个对感情不专一的渣男,所以这一世得不到一个男人好好的爱我。这没有什么可怜惜的,现代社会有几个人可以得到呢,都是见机行事,权衡利弊,相互利用,欲望驱使,慕强慕色。
如果这一世还能有缘份,我只希望他是上一世欠我很多的人。
Sunday, January 19, 2025
Saturday, January 18, 2025
Wednesday, December 18, 2024
Sunday, December 15, 2024
Friday, December 13, 2024
Tuesday, December 10, 2024
Friday, February 28, 2020
Monday, August 10, 2015
China trip
In JFK airport, we cannot find a rest area. People everywhere. So we go back to the AirTran waiting room where it's quiet with less people. We can have seat. So they finally sent down to play ipad game.
Checked in, and in waiting area. It's always a smart choice to bring handcraft material for kids at their age. We got up 5am and during flight transfer , we have to stay JFK for 8 hours. Except eating and walking to different facilities, all we can do is to find some meaning way to kill time.
Dwelling among those skyscrapers of steel and cement, again, I feel myself as a tiny individual. After a sleepless night, ( because of jet lag ), I got up around 4:30am. The sky was turning bright.
I was too hungry, probably missed 3 meals including breakfast t airplane. To save space for good food, I didn't eat the cookies provided in hotel room.
It's a morning fair near my hotel. Walking one block, I saw it , probably there were some breakfast restaurant in the end.
Dirty, noise, and hot, taking one picture, then I hurried to go away.
Soybean milk, tasted very Soy-bean smell. I like it.
I like any Chinese traditional breakfast which I could not access in US.
Vivien and Larry watch 喜羊羊与灰太狼,in hotel room. a very successful children tv series. They burst out laugh time and again.
We live in Howard and Johnson, shanghai JingAn location. It's a nice stay.
At noon, we headed Zhejiang. I listen music, they do handcraft.
It seems they always enjoy train traveling , especially they got something to do.
This is a train station in a small town of zhejiang province. Because of big population, even small train station makes me think of airport.
I told a relative of my kids who drove me to catch the train, it is good to build a large train station for a small town, with extra space. It will fill up soon in near future.
It's comfortable, fast, quiet and with good window view. Traveling by train is always a blast.
Of course, I take GAO Tie , siting in first class seat of a view-seeing room.
It's super comfortable on this trip. The room is clean and quiet. Surrounding with sportify piano from my Bose headphone, I start to fell love with traveling in China.
I can even pull out hidden table to put my studying book. But it's hard to concentrate to study though.
Boats and river the train passed by when we headed for Nanking , where I will stop and transfer to the train to Qingdao.
Nanking railway station, bird-view from second floor. It's modern, huge, and organized.
Bird-view from third floor of Nanking south railway station, the lobby/ waiting room is pretty large. I have been a lot of stations in Beijing, shanghai, qingdao, nanjing. I guess most train station will be as this large and modern.
To me, I just feel tired to walk from one spot to another. Standing in such a huge safe, in noisy crowd, I can only feel myself as a tiny human individule.
I love small cozy place. So now I start to miss this old small wooden-built train stations in US?
Very delicious, 鸭血粉丝汤, a Nanking local food, not too salty, you can add spicy. It's made of duck meat, and duck blood.
I love it, and will take one for dinner on the train.
Costa coffee shop.
About three hours to kill, I am neither thirsty nor hungry, went to this coffee shop for a rest. This is a Starbucks competitor, certainly a similar style.